(no subject)

[pyroyale]

I was speaking with my Mother earlier and she told me that her next door neighbour is having an Ann Summers Party at the end of the month. She then asked me if I wanted to go.

Yes Mom. I'd love to go to a party where people pass around sex toys and test vibrators on their noses with you. It's the one thing I'd love to do more than anything and ranks just above poking my own eyes out with rusty nails and feasting on what flows out of the holes.

*shudders*

I finished reading the four Twilight books today. I can already see the collective eye rolls at that but I think the books are an INSPIRATION. They are proof that even the cheesiest Mary Sue author over at ff.net can get a publishing deal as long as they have a basic grasp of the English language.

The books are trash. Stephanie Meyer is a hack. The whole series is a not even subtle sermon about the evils of pre-martial sex and how things are so much better if you wait and hold onto your virtue.

And I couldn't stop reading them.

The first two are pretty much devoid of any plot other than Bella being plain and awkward and Edward being OH SO PRETTY AND THE MOST PERFECT CREATURE TO EVER GRACE THE EARTH. Of course he has his dramatic emo moments and always arrives to save the day.

The third book is slightly better in that it actually manages to find a plot - albeit one that pretty much revolves around Bella being plain and awkward (yet oh so special) and Edward being OH SO PRETTY AND THE MOST PERFECT CREATURE TO EVER GRACE THE EARTH. By this point plain ole Bella also has a werewolf named Jacob trailing after her like a puppy. Because he is one see? Subtle doesn't exist in the Twilight world.

The fourth book though... It's the crackiest crack fic that ever cracked. Either she ran out of ideas, was high or just decided to fuck with people because the first half is hysterical.

Bella marries Edward. Edward takes her on a honeymoon. Bella finally manages to wrestle Edwards 100+ year virginity away from him. Edward destroys a couple of beds (vampires = strong). Bella falls pregnant. Three days later she's showing. The baby grows quick and starts killing her. Dr. Vampire is out of town so Edward helps to deliver the baby. Caesarian section by vampire fangs

And I thought vampires couldn't get any crazier than Lestat feeding from a menstruating Nun.

I can't wait to see THAT on film.

Oh, and the movie is terrible. Robert Pattinson, bless him, has this perfect look of "WTF am I doing here" throughout the whole movie as he seems to have realised that it's trash and is purely in it for the advance to his career and the fangirls. I haven't laughed at a movie so much in MONTHS.


I'm so happy that they've FINALLY opened up the overtime at work. I'm in desperate need of a cash injection this Summer for... things (XD) but I was starting to think that it'd never come.

Comments

[awils1.livejournal.com]

...I just had this horrible vision of me reading Myers' fic, when I first happened upon FF.net. I swear, even the worst writers there are better than her! You will not convince me to pay money for crappy fic!

*crosses self*

(Also, it is weird when Mums want to go sex toy shopping with you. I have had this experience offered, and declined so fast my head spun. I was like ``nah, if I want a vibrator, I'll go to ClubX and buy it on my own, thanks.'')

[pyroyale.livejournal.com]

I didn't pay any money - I drew the line at that! I borrowed them all from someone at work as I refuse to pay for what is glorified fanfic. I think the Twilight section at FF.net is kinda redundant because how can you write fanfic about fanfic?!

I don't know what my Mother was thinking. She probably thought it would be a good bonding exercise.