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I was speaking with my Mother earlier and she told me that her next door neighbour is having an Ann Summers Party at the end of the month. She then asked me if I wanted to go.

Yes Mom. I'd love to go to a party where people pass around sex toys and test vibrators on their noses with you. It's the one thing I'd love to do more than anything and ranks just above poking my own eyes out with rusty nails and feasting on what flows out of the holes.

*shudders*

I finished reading the four Twilight books today. I can already see the collective eye rolls at that but I think the books are an INSPIRATION. They are proof that even the cheesiest Mary Sue author over at ff.net can get a publishing deal as long as they have a basic grasp of the English language.

The books are trash. Stephanie Meyer is a hack. The whole series is a not even subtle sermon about the evils of pre-martial sex and how things are so much better if you wait and hold onto your virtue.

And I couldn't stop reading them.

The first two are pretty much devoid of any plot other than Bella being plain and awkward and Edward being OH SO PRETTY AND THE MOST PERFECT CREATURE TO EVER GRACE THE EARTH. Of course he has his dramatic emo moments and always arrives to save the day.

The third book is slightly better in that it actually manages to find a plot - albeit one that pretty much revolves around Bella being plain and awkward (yet oh so special) and Edward being OH SO PRETTY AND THE MOST PERFECT CREATURE TO EVER GRACE THE EARTH. By this point plain ole Bella also has a werewolf named Jacob trailing after her like a puppy. Because he is one see? Subtle doesn't exist in the Twilight world.

The fourth book though... It's the crackiest crack fic that ever cracked. Either she ran out of ideas, was high or just decided to fuck with people because the first half is hysterical.

Bella marries Edward. Edward takes her on a honeymoon. Bella finally manages to wrestle Edwards 100+ year virginity away from him. Edward destroys a couple of beds (vampires = strong). Bella falls pregnant. Three days later she's showing. The baby grows quick and starts killing her. Dr. Vampire is out of town so Edward helps to deliver the baby. Caesarian section by vampire fangs

And I thought vampires couldn't get any crazier than Lestat feeding from a menstruating Nun.

I can't wait to see THAT on film.

Oh, and the movie is terrible. Robert Pattinson, bless him, has this perfect look of "WTF am I doing here" throughout the whole movie as he seems to have realised that it's trash and is purely in it for the advance to his career and the fangirls. I haven't laughed at a movie so much in MONTHS.


I'm so happy that they've FINALLY opened up the overtime at work. I'm in desperate need of a cash injection this Summer for... things (XD) but I was starting to think that it'd never come.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-10 09:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pantherscorpius.livejournal.com
...Is that for real? That... actually happens in the book..?
Caesarian by fangs? Just... wow...
Obviously I've never read the books, but I almost -want- to now, if only to appreciate that for myself...
Wow, Lestat needs to get updated? ...Okay, maybe not.

Hope you have some most awesome plans for the summer! I'm in need of some extra cash too, but I doubt they're gonna throw any overtime my way. Le sigh.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-10 10:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pyroyale.livejournal.com
It does happen. To be honest it's the reason I started reading them because I didn't believe it either! Vampire skin is like stone so a scalpel doesn't work and Edward has no alternative as the baby is dying and breaking her spine (strong baby!)

I wish I didn't have to do any overtime but needs must.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-10 10:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pantherscorpius.livejournal.com
Seriously, that's one scary baby.. Wow, I'm so gonna have to read them, now.
I've been putting it off because whenever they come up in conversation, people just tend to start hissing and crossing themselves.
They sound like comedy gold :D

Also, I squee'd like a girl over your Yousuke icon! :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-10 10:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pyroyale.livejournal.com
They fall into that so terrible it's funny category. It's the car crash you can't take your eyes away from... only funny and with more *sparkling*

Heeeee, I ♥♥♥♥♥ Yosuke! He's my favourite character in the game. My social link with him is at least two ranks higher than everyone else, haha.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-10 10:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pantherscorpius.livejournal.com
I think my friend's little sister has at least the first one, so I might have to venture into the world of Sparkly Vampires and get my LOL Hat on :D
I know what you mean about Car Crash Syndrome - So wrong and yet so right!

Mine, too! So many people don't like him, though! I think my social link with him is at five or six right now.. Where as Chie and Yukiko are at like, three XD Oh well, he just shouldn't be so cute :D

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-11 08:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pyroyale.livejournal.com
The first one is a little lacking in the lulz compared to the rest but it's worth starting there. Or just watch the movie. It's pretty much the same but has the added bonus of two lead actors who are either wooden (Bella) or high (Edward).

How can people not like Yosuke? He's adorable! Chie kinda bugs me but I do like Yukiko. There's a few other characters that come in later but none of them compare to Yosuke *love*

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-11 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pantherscorpius.livejournal.com
Yeah, I'm really starting to think the poor guy must've been high to take the role. It's true, in every clip I've seen he's just looked so fed up and like "What am I doing here?"

I know! I love the little guy! He's so sweet! I almost feel guilt for spending all my time with him outside of school/tv land, but hey... So cute :D
I'm so stuck right now, too. Need to do some serious leveling up so Teddie doesn't kick my butt again -_-

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-14 07:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pyroyale.livejournal.com
I watched an interview with Robert Pattinson a couple of days ago where he calls Meyer crazy and states that the whole story is just a Mary Sue/her personal fantasy. It's an epic interview - I don't know if he realised how much he was actually criticising the books or if he didn't care.

The bosses in the first two dungeons killed me numerous times but I've done well since! I do think I'm a little over levelled though as I have this obsession with finding EVERY enemy and killing it, even if they respawn. I just can't run past them or leave them.

I'm a little upset that Yukiko is now at the same level as Yosuke. I've got all of the girls hitting on me and I just want to spend time with Yosuke :-(

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-11 12:14 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ntkufreak.livejournal.com
This is all I have to say regarding Edward and Twilight. XD

I do want to read them sometime though so I can at least comment properly.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-11 08:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pyroyale.livejournal.com
I must admit that I don't think the level of criticism they're getting from people who haven't read the books is entirely fair. At least read them BEFORE you rightly criticise them.

They're worth reading I think. They don't take too long either as it's not the most challenging of texts!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-11 06:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shimyaku.livejournal.com
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh *gurgles* I admire your efforts for getting through all four I have to say! I read the first one can I has those 4 hours back now plz? and nearly choked to death on my own spit, and as masochistic as I am (just ask anyone??) I can't bring myself to read the next 3. *le sigh*

Even so, I'm thinking I much rather prefer your condensed version up thar... I feel so informed now! ^_^

p.s. lolol 'vampires = strong'?? Getouttatown!!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-11 08:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pyroyale.livejournal.com
The first one is the hardest to get through. It's lacking in the lulz that the others bring as I really think that she only had one small idea, never expected any success and then had to drag it out over the rest of the series.

Well, she wrecked the vampire myth in so many other ways (sparkles? VENOM?!) that I'm kinda surprised she didn't wreck the strength thing too!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-11 01:36 pm (UTC)
ext_15370: Nothing special; just a pixelated rainbow. (Stig-2)
From: [identity profile] awils1.livejournal.com
...I just had this horrible vision of me reading Myers' fic, when I first happened upon FF.net. I swear, even the worst writers there are better than her! You will not convince me to pay money for crappy fic!

*crosses self*

(Also, it is weird when Mums want to go sex toy shopping with you. I have had this experience offered, and declined so fast my head spun. I was like ``nah, if I want a vibrator, I'll go to ClubX and buy it on my own, thanks.'')

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-11 09:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pyroyale.livejournal.com
I didn't pay any money - I drew the line at that! I borrowed them all from someone at work as I refuse to pay for what is glorified fanfic. I think the Twilight section at FF.net is kinda redundant because how can you write fanfic about fanfic?!

I don't know what my Mother was thinking. She probably thought it would be a good bonding exercise.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-12 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] one-more-cherry.livejournal.com
Whenever I think to myself that I'll never be published, or put anything forth into the world of any merit whatsoever, I look at Stephanie Meyers and I realize that anything is possible :p

And I thought vampires couldn't get any crazier than Lestat feeding from a menstruating Nun.

Oh, Anne Rice...

I also feel sorry for KStew. She was wonderful in Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist.

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-14 08:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pyroyale.livejournal.com
I must admit that I don't think I've seen her in anything before and Twilight is NOT a good movie to judge her on. It's very faithful to the books which means that she's given the most vapid and cheesy dialogue and it's made even worse by not having the background and constant repetition of the books,

I loved Anne Rice but boy, as she run out of ideas!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-05-15 12:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] one-more-cherry.livejournal.com
She was also in "Panic Room" with Jodie Foster - she's not a bad little actress, but that material would defeat anyone (hell, it'd defeat Meryl Streep).

At this point Anne should try writing about the mating habits of the yetti. At least it'd be a new avenue of adventure! ;)

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